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(DISCLAIMER_�THIS�IS�STUPID�AND�VAGUE�BUT�I�HAD�TO�GET�IT�OUT�SOMEHOW)

I dunno. It just happens sometimes. I canapos;t tell if the feelings are developing or fabricated. I�will talk to my therapist wed. I suppose. Online forums� donapos;t really help. Just a bunch of people asking the same questions. All I know is what has been affecting me, and what has affected me.

I want to talk about it, but I donapos;t know how so till I figure it out you get this vague bull shite. I�donapos;t want to hurt or offend anybody if this isnapos;t real.

What is wrong with my brain?

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Wow. Hi, Iapos;m Kaye. I�just joined. XD

I used to watch BWoC when I was little, just after reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and becoming fascinated with werewolves. I�taped [] it every day at four-thirty Eastern, and always thought Merton would make a better werewolf than Tommy.

A few months ago, I�wondered to myself, "Whatever happened to that show?" and looked it up on Youtube. They have a whole crapload of episodes there, it was a blast from the past.

I just never thought anyone else liked it. XDD
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OMG everyone�
Tayler bought me a puppy for christmas�
:)
christmas is definitely coming early this year for us�
i bought him NY Giants football tickets for December 21stapos;s game�
and he just bought me my puppy yesterday and im picking him up todayyy�

we are a little stumped on what to name the little guy, but we are thinking about naming him percy or toby.�
hmm..
but i think i might like toby more, because thats the name of tayler friend that passes away.�
so i think tayler would love to name his first doggie after his good friend.�
R.I.P Toby�


<3333

ahhhh im so excited�:)



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Take mine.
not your(s).
up one notch, now down three.
here we go. We are now,�

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find your heart amongst these.
even we three of the ghostly divine know another trick.

(letapos;s go back �no �go ghost go)

hear those walls tumble and rumble
down the halls of eternity they make way
and each man stands to be overtaken
by the past mistakes of satanapos;s favorite hammer

yet build we should, you know. We really should.
(oh build we must) �
lest the yesteryear naysayer of our mind
defeats the new bricklayer of our heart

and here we go now.
take out the rumor and
try the new hammer
first his, no not yours, yes�
ours to be sure.

once again we go on

b
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�� � d
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�� � � �n
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yes
and yes we will,
we will what?
we will will his will by his will for our will



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Forgot to blog about them dreams.
creepy creepy dreams.
not such great ones.
anyway here goes.
thereapos;s a naked party in school. (swear to god i could not make this up if i wanted to)and i was getting in trouble for hooking up with some as yet unidentified guy. And they wanted to arrest me for it. Seriously - not suspend, arrest. So iapos;m running away and theyapos;re chasing me and i have this vague feeling that this has happened before. But not deja vu. It was like shit i dreamed this was going to happen. And then i was all "hey dw this is a dream, iapos;ve dreamed it before and it must be a dream again" so iapos;m like chillen but theyapos;re still chasing me so iapos;m like "shit maybe itapos;s not a dream maybe its forrealzies" so i run. And then i wake up [heh it was a dream - but within a dream, wtf.] in HIS bed. So somewhere deep down iapos;m like what, but then and there iapos;m all yea this makes sense. So iapos;m in his bed in his dorm in college. And i tell him about the dream. Then i get dressed [yea, in his bed, not dressed] and leave to go to the bathroom or tell someone something or idk why i left but i did and it was only for a few minutes. Then i get back - still only a few minutes later - and wanted to get back into bed [his bed -> i wanted to get back in - shocking? i think not..] but much to my chagrin, he was up and dressed because - and hereapos;s the best part - my brother and sister were there. And of course, they were more than a handful, as usual. Itapos;s like babysitting 5 year olds, i swear to god. The way they behave, i still canapos;t believe theyapos;re over 10 years old - theyapos;re fucking 13 and 15 its fucking ridiculous. And theyapos;re messing with his stuff and iapos;m trying to get them to calm down and figure out why and how they got there and where i can take them so theyapos;re out of my hair. And then they find two birds. His birds. He had 2 birds in his dorm. Oh and also two cats. And he starts freaking out because apparently these were animals that had been abused and he didnapos;t want my siblings hurting them. So i herd my brother and sister out and i go to change [yea i had clothing there] and iapos;m in my bra trying to help him organize his shit with the pets but heapos;s all stressed and snapping at me, and upset as i was about that, thereapos;s a knock on the door. So i open the door - still only wearing a bra - and its a girl in a towel. And sheapos;s like "oh." then looks past me and says "movie night?" he starts stumbling and mumbling and iapos;m baffled sitting there looking at this princeton chick who came to his dorm room in a towel for a apos;movie nightapos; and heapos;s embarrassed. So thatapos;s when the truth hit me.
and then i woke up. It was so sad. Its like - hey i havenapos;t thought of the future, but thatapos;s only because atm thereapos;s no present. If he was my bf iapos;d think of the future. But right now the most i can do is hope he will be my bf and iapos;ll god-willing go to college at nyu and weapos;ll be near eachother and that and then i can start thinking of the future. But that dream made the future look glim. Idk whatever i shouldnapos;t be worried about something like that when right now i might just have to get over him and thatapos;s it.
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Iapos;m getting so exhausted.
Midterms are riding my ass and partying during my only down time is killing me too.

Iapos;ve been increasing my studying since my midterms are coming up.
Between work and studying, my only time for freedom has been the weekend.
Last night we partied it up from 7ish until 4.
Did the standard pre-drinking at rez til we left for Docks at 12.
Stayed there until 2 when it closed, then came here and tried to sleep, didnapos;t, so stayed up.

I made sure to have tons of fun Friday night so I could stay in tonight and not feel bad.
If I went out tonight I knew I wouldnapos;t get my report done in time for Mondayapos;s class.
I�just want to add a reassurance to those that worry, Iapos;m not partying hard core. I keep my marks pretty high and only party Friday or Saturday. I donapos;t want to be a hypocrite.

Stupid Weather Modification...

�

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Iapos;m still gonna go through with this but iapos;m having doubts. Stupid band saving my life all the time. Iapos;ve always held on to doing what they do, no matter what. But that simply cannot be. I need to understand that theyapos;ll never even know i exist. Ever. That theyapos;ve saved my life countless times this year. Itapos;s damn true. Theyapos;re the most genuine in a world of ingenuous.

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